How To Save Your Marriage While Separated

If you and your spouse are separated or considering separation, and you want to save your marriage, this may be the most important video you ever watch. Why? Because the research shows that most marriage separations end in divorce. That is why it is so important that you fight for your marriage the right way.

You want to use this opportunity to repair and restore your relationship and avoid making things worse. The good news is that separation can save your marriage, but only if you know how to use it the right way. Unfortunately, most people who are desperate to save their marriage will respond to a separation out of desperation and make mistakes that can cause irreversible damage and send the relationship spiraling toward divorce.

Here are some tips for using your separation to your advantage to improve your chances of saving your marriage.

#1 Avoid Behavior That Will Push Them Away and Make Things Worse


Before we talk about what you should do during a separation, we have to identify common be behaviors that are certain to push your spouse away and make things worse. If it’s any consolation, these behaviors seem to come naturally when your relationship is falling apart and you are desperate to save your marriage.

So if you’ve already done some of these things don’t beat yourself up about it. Most people have made these mistakes in the past. The important thing is to recognize it and do your best in the future.

Here are three things you should not do if you want to save your marriage:

Beg or Plead

Do not beg or plead with your spouse asking them to give you another chance and stay by promising that you will change turn, or that you can make them happy. This will not work. The truth is it will probably irritate them and push them further away. They won’t believe you. If there are things that you need to change, you will need to begin to demonstrate those changes without words.

Argue or Get Angry

When a marriage is falling apart emotions can be all over the place. Your emotions can run through all of the five stages of grief in one day. You may be angry. You may be angry that they don’t appreciate or acknowledge that you’ve given them so much of yourself. It’s okay to be angry, but you must avoid expressing that anger or arguing with your spouse. It will not help in any way shape or form. It will make things worse.

Tell Them How Much You Love Them

You may want to tell them how much you love them, and that you can’t live without them. This also will not help to restore your relationship and will likely push them further away. It communicates low self-esteem and a low view of yourself which is never attractive. It’s hard but you got to try and keep those emotions to yourself. Becoming overly emotional will not help save your marriage.

#2 Set Guidelines and Expectations


It’s critical to talk with your spouse regarding the purpose and expectations of your separation. If you’re the one who wants to save your marriage there’s a good chance that your spouse is the one who wants the separation. It’s also possible that you’ve made a mutual decision to separate. Either way, explain that you want to respect their desire for separation and that is why you want to discuss some of these issues. What is the purpose of separation and what do you hope to accomplish? How long do you expect to be separated?

What are the expectations for communication during separation? Now this is a very important detail that needs to be communicated. You want to know what are the expectations for communication, because if your spouse is the one who is primarily questioning your marriage, or has expressed a need for time apart, then not giving them the space they need could actually push them away further and make it worse. This is why you need to set guidelines for communication.

The other reason you want to set clear guidelines for communication is so that you can establish mutually accepted reasons why you will need to stay in touch and have regular communication. This leads us to Tip #3 Use Communication Opportunities.

#3 Use Necessary Communication Opportunities


If you have been married for a while it is almost certain that you have common obligations that cannot take a break from during separation. These are business type obligations that may require that you come together for communication to manage. These obligations would include things like financial discussions, taxes, school functions or after school activities if you have children, etc. Keeping your spouse up to date on what’s happening with your kids is an excellent example of necessary communication.

When you do communicate to manage necessary obligations or to discuss your children, is important to remember the three behaviors mentioned above that should be avoided. During these interactions it’s very important that you not get emotional or attempt to discuss your relationship or marriage. You don’t want to be cold, but you also don’t want to cross any lines that have been created by the separation. It’s fine to ask that are not emotional and better not about your marriage or future plans regarding a marriage. Ask how things are going. Ask how that presentation went work. Things like that. If one of the kids mentioned how much fun they had last weekend with your spouse, tell your spouse about it.

Take time to listen and you may find that your spouse will begin to open up more to you as they begin to realize that it’s not going to turn into an argument or a cry-fest.

If it is your spouse who wanted the separation and who is questioning the relationship, then it’s really important that you allow them to initiate discussions about your marriage and about potential reconciliation. And if they do start a discussion that leads into your marriage, take it slow and let them talk more than you. And no matter what, don’t respond by blaming them for anything. Listen, acknowledge how they feel, and answer their questions calmly.

#4 Be Patient


It will be difficult to follow these guidelines, but if you want to save your marriage you need to take it slow and one day at a time. You can’t rush it. Especially, if your spouse is the one who is primarily questioning what they want, then the best thing that can happen is for you to give them time to come back around and express their desire to restore your relationship.

Get Some Help


This is probably one of the most difficult times other life. You don’t have to go to alone. If you truly desire to save your marriage, My wife Kayti and I can help. Click here to learn How 6 Letters Saved Our Marriage From Broken Trust, Bankruptcy, Never Being Intimate And Even A Baby With Another Woman”

Learn the simple secret that transformed our broken relationship into that crazy in love couple who enjoys mutual trust, respect, true friendship, and amazing intimacy, and how it can do the same for you. (Even if you are the only one trying!)